I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize