youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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