i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
