do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
