she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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