he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize