well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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