so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
false alarm. still invincible.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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