Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
