god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
