Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
