i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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