he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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