Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
