i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
