All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
