Define "chronic" masturbator.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
