carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
