Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
