I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
