I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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