i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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