you guys were way drunker than both of me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
