After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
