remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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