i already hear my dad disowning me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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