Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize