if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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