the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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