No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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