i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
