I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
