If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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