First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
