Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
