You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
