watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
