I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
