This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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