Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
false alarm, still single
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
