I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
