guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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