so explain again why im purple
no
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
