let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
