I'm jealous of your bromance
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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