I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
