it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
