Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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