Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
