I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
