Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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