If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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