wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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