listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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