He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
