so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
