She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
