Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
