I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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