You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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