Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
