look no pants
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize