These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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