I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
