the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize