I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
