Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize