Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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